Wal Mart... Uugghhh!

Okay, I admit it, I have a love / hate relationship with Wal Mart. I remember the day when I LOVED going there. After all, living in Eagar, it was a treat to go to Wal Mart. In those days I had to learn how to get in and out of the store within a 1/2 hour becuz Gary would drop me off at the door, run some errands at the boring electrical and/or plumbing supply store, and expect me to be ready when he returned. That meant creating a plan, which I now refer to as the Robin Taylor Wal Mart Survival Course. If I had my druthers, the entire population of the Phoenix metropolitan area would have to take my course BEFORE being allowed in the doors.

It's not that hard... Really!

First, you have to have a plan... Know what you're going after. I know! I know! Some people actually go there for a casual shopping experience, and that's okay, as long as the other rules are followed.

Second, use the rules of the road while tooling the aisles. It's not that hard... Stay to the right and be courteous of other shoppers. You know... Don't hog the aisle way, move to the side, especially if you're just yakking, allow people in when you know you're in their way.

Third, if you have kids, keep track of them. It is just plain scary to me how many little kids are allowed to roam at will. And, I'm talking little kids! When I was little it was a treat to ride on the basket. As I got older my mom made us hang onto the basket so we wouldn't wander off. As teenagers, she put us to work, sending us on scavenger hunts for coupon items. Any way, keep an eye on your kids, so they're not throwing rubber balls at people, or rolling into other people with their wheelies, or just plain being a nuisance for other people to deal with.

Fifth, I seriously think people need to pass a test and obtain a buggy license! Obviously, it takes only one person to drive a buggy, but if your spouse insists on driving the buggy, then they need to know how to drive the buggy! Yes, I am hinting at forming a sort of relationship with your buggy; take care of it. Know where it is at all times. Keep it with you. If your spouse can't do that, revoke his/her buggy license. This applies if you're pushing your own buggy, too... If you're in aisle 5 then your buggy should not be in aisle 3! This is mostly common sense, but I for one feel awkward moving someone else's buggy becuz they are no where around and I can't get to the peanut butter. People who can't follow so few rules should not be allowed to drive!

Sixth, and probably most important, know how to check out. This is done quicker with a 2-person team, but it can definitely be done with just one person. Here are the basics:

- If there is someone in line behind you, do NOT, at any time, strike up a conversation/friendship with the cashier. Get his/her number (if you think you have that much in common) and get on with the job at hand. This will considerably cut down on the amount of grumbling coming from the people behind you.

- When approaching the conveyor belt, unload your basket at the end of the belt, furthest from the cashier... That's why the conveyor moves forward! If there are two people doing the unloading, only move up far enough for the person by the handle to be able to reach into the front and back. Again, the movement of the conveyor belt enables both people to unload at the same time, without getting in each other's way.

- Think ahead... Try to put squishy stuff like bread and grapes near each other on the conveyor belt. This literally improves your chances of getting home without squished bread and grapes.

- Do not anticipate the cashier turning the "amount display monitor" in your direction, putting your groceries in the bag and in the cart... Be prepared to do at least 1/2 of the job yourself. Basically, if you follow the rule for unloading the cart you'll find reloading the cart much easier.

- Multi-task... This is probably the #1 reason why women enjoy shopping so much more than men... We can multi-task! You're gonna want to keep an eye on the "display monitor," just in case something "just happens" to ring up at the wrong price. Also, while putting a grocery bag in the cart with your right hand, take your debit card/cash out with your left hand. I know, surprise, huh... In the end you're ALWAYS gonna have to pay for it... Why wait til the end of the ordeal to face reality. And, don't even get me started if you're writing a check... You know who you are!

When you're finished at the cash register, thank the cashier and move on! Go! Leave! This is not the place to hold a family conversation, or to decide what you'll grab at McD's on the way out, or to start munching on the food you've just purchased. If you kept an eye on the "display monitor" chances are you won't get charged the wrong price. That does not mean there is no room for error (like something getting rung up twice). If you feel this has happened, the cashier won't be able to help you any way, so move to the side, check your receipt, and bring it to the attention of your cashier, who will hopefully get you some further assistance.

Last, but not least, if you're anything like me, by this time you're exhausted and depressed from spending so much money. This is NO time to get in a person's way. Let's see... How to express this??? You don't want another shopper going postal on you, do you?!?

There you have it... In a nutshell... Easy huh?!? Oh, and if you're wondering what prompted this post... Jesse had his buggy license revoked today!