Edith Wiltbank

On Monday I received a message from Gale Wiltbank (my former brother-in-law) letting me know that his mother (my former mother-in-law) died on Friday - February 1st. I honestly never thought that day would come!

This woman made Gary's and my life miserable for years! (I could go on here, but for now, let's just say we did NOT see eye-to-eye.) Yesterday, I sucked it up and went to her funeral... This was EXTREMELY uncomfortable for me. Why? Well, I am sealed (through Gary) to these people; they are supposed to be my eternal family. Yet, these people (other than Gale) have made NO attempt to stay in contact with me since Gary died. Granted, I have not gone out of my way either, but I have (like I said) stayed in contact with Gale... He has continuously had my address, which means it was available to the rest of them, too. This doesn't really surprise me, since they didn't have much to do with me when Gary was alive. Then, at the funeral, several of them wanted to hug me and talk to me like I was their favorite relative. Oh how happy they were to see me, but to me, it's pretty likely that I may never see them again (unless Gale lets me know when Ron dies). It's just so weird to me... I really wanted to be a part of their family at one time. I think I may even have feelings for them. My family was always so far away, so being invited to birthday parties or special events just couldn't happen. On the other hand, Gary's family was just a couple hour's drive away... Yet, we weren't invited... Ever! Any way, like I was saying, I do have feelings for them. It was sad to see Ron sitting next to the coffin. He's aged a lot in the past 10 years; he's gone gray, he's so thin and looks frail; not the pillar of strength and determination that I always saw him as. Cathy (Gale's wife) shared with me that Gale had had a stroke; instantly feelings of love and concern arose. I looked at their (Gale and Cathy's) children only to realize that I recognized only their oldest, Spencer. The others really have no idea who I am. At one time I knew 6 of Carol(Gary's sister) and David's boys, but in the past 10 years they've grown to men (who are married), and although I knew who they belonged to I couldn't put a name with a face. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by their behavior towards me, maybe they treat everyone the same way. I say this becuz for the number of relatives the Wiltbanks have, there were very FEW people at the funeral; primarily it was just children and grandchildren. Where were the others? Why were they not there? Ron has brothers... None were there. Edith had 5 siblings; although they are dead they have children, her nieces and nephews; only a couple were there. Not to mention the gajillion cousins, Wiltbanks and Udalls. I should also mention that the words which were spoken at the funeral were pretty contrary to the woman I knew. She started off being friendly and loving, but this soon changed. The day after I married Gary he warned me about her; he said she was generous, but she always wanted something in return. I learned the hard way this was true. Gale and Carol did not share this fact in their talks. I guess that's pretty typical. I mean I have never been to a funeral where a person's faults were shared, but it made sitting there, listening to 1/2 truths very uncomfortable. In addition, there was NO mention of Gary. This made me FURIOUS! They talked about Sandra, Carol and Gale, but not Gary... It was like he never exsisted. Kinda like the way they had treated Thomas and Mary... Just don't bring it up... Don't ask! This being said, it was interesting to see that they had ONE adult picture of Gary (at our reception; a family picture) and they not only mentioned Gary, but me, in the obituary. I walked away from the Wiltbanks 10 years ago becuz of how they always made me feel. I've thought about breaking the seal between Gary and I, so I can be sealed to Jesse (whose family has been nothing but kind to me) and now, thanks to going to that funeral, I'm rehashing all the misery... Maybe I should've stayed home.

A Few Things

Well, it's been over a month, and I've done pretty good with my picture a day plan. I've gotta admit, this is more difficult than it seems; probably becuz I'm not working, or going outside of the house much, which limits my picturs to what's here... My critters. Don't get me wrong, I could take pictures of my critters every day and be happy; they truly bring me joy and I love them!!! It just might not make for a very interesting blog post. Some things, however can't be shown in pictures. For example, as of December 1, 2012 I am retired. I don't want to be retired; I honestly miss teaching. It feels like a part of me has died and way too prematurely. I became a teacher becuz I believed I had something to share and I still feel that way... Like I can make a difference in students' lives. Unfortunately, first no one wanted to hire me (which is a true mystery), but I'm pretty sure God has plans for me and I'm kinda waiting to see what those plans are. I do know that physically I'm struggling. I HURT! This pain keeps me from sleeping more than a few hours at a time, which makes me tired most of the time. This in combination with the depression has just taken a toll. Plus, Jesse believed it was time for me to file for disablity. I HATE THIS!!! I don't like thinking or talking about this, other than to say that due to this filing I'm not even able to substitute. We've hired Binder and Binder to help move the disability along, and they said it was "counter-productive" for me to work when I'm trying to prove that I can't. I have to admit that of the few days I did substitute I came home a couple of times remembering why I quit teaching last June. I'm just not sure it should be a permanent solution... Yet. As I've mentoned before, the trip to the emergency room in October, for my foot, ended up showing that I have kidney failure (stage 3). Since then I've given up Pepsi and chocolate (although I do eat sugar free chocolate). Basically, I've been eating very little sugar. I had to have a blood test done (the middle of January) and the results showed that I am VERY anemic (my iron saturation level was 25 when it was supposed to be 300 something). This ended up in me having 5 IV iron injections (the last one is 2/8). I also learned that my Vitamin D level is extremely low. The cure (other than a once a week Vitamin D pill for 5 weeks): Sunshine! This, I could seriously use. I need a beach! This would help the Vitamin D level AND the depression. And, as of January, I've become a columnist for the Beacon News Magazine... We will have to wait and see if this works out!